"That can affect their mental health and self-esteem, and create a ‘good gays’ versus ‘bad gays’ divide. "When people feel ashamed about the sex they're having, they're far more likely to hide it," he says. Howley says the consequences can be catastrophic. That shame has passed on to younger generations – not to the same extent, but it’s still there." "You have a group of men who grew up in this era who were told that they can't have sex without condoms, and if they do, they are 'dirty' or 'bad gays'. "The way HIV and AIDS were talked about in the late 80s and 90s has scared our community and it's going to take generations to get over it," he says. Howley also says the LGBTQ community needs to tackle the deep-rooted stigma that affects our sexual choices. And how wonderful it is that we now have these options available." But it’s up to everyone to find the best method that works for themselves. For HIV-positive men, remaining undetectable, using condoms and regular screening for STIs is recommended. He adds: "For HIV-negative men, the ultimate protection against HIV and STIs is a combination of PrEP, condoms and regular testing.
They'd rather settle for someone they're less attracted to if it means the sex is raw."įor GMFA's Ian Howley, the priority is making sure that gay and bi men "make an educated decision" about how they have sex with full awareness of "the tools available to them". Part of what I find weird about it is that for some guys, having bareback sex is a higher priority than the person they're fucking. But most guys want to do bareback and sometimes they retract their invite when I insist on using a condom. "I always use a condom for hook-ups because otherwise it still feels like a risk to me – I don't want chlamydia. "When you open Grindr in Elephant and Castle, raw is law," he says. Rob, a 27-year-old gay man in an open relationship, says he "doesn't fully understand" the popularity of "bb only" in his south London neighbourhood. Cameron now acts as an admin for his barebacking WhatsApp group and says he's "careful" about asking new people to join it. Though barebacking has become more mainstream, it's by no means universally accepted by gay and bi men – even on a sex-oriented app like Grindr. The thought that there's something a bit 'dirty' about that only makes it more thrilling." "I think I enjoy it because the thought that someone is cumming inside me turns me on – it's just psychologically more appealing to me. Matt, a 23-year-old single gay man who had condomless anal sex with "four or five partners a month" pre-pandemic, says he's on PrEP and "fully understands U+U", but still gets off on the lingering stigma that surrounds barebacking. The message is simple: "Undetectable equals untransmittable." In recent years, the "U=U" campaign has helped to spread awareness that someone living with HIV who has an undetectable viral load – thanks to effective treatment and regular check-ups – cannot pass on the virus. Like: 'Yeah, you think it’s gross that I’m sticking my dick in another guy's ass? Well you know what, I'm gonna do it without a condom too.'" "We're conditioned by society to think that all gay sex is taboo anyway and it's hard to shake off those feelings sometimes, so fucking bareback is kind of like giving society the middle finger. "Barebacking still feels more taboo, because obviously for years there was no way to protect yourself against HIV without using a condom or being fully monogamous," he says. Sam also says that for him, a bareback encounter still feels like a subversive or risky act. This might be another reason why people are seeing it more on apps." "So I'd imagine that apps like Grindr are being used more often as a way to gather people who have the same interests together. "A lot of men who enjoy group sex have had safe spaces like saunas and sex clubs taken away from them and have no outlet for this anymore," he says.
Howley says PrEP hasn't just made condomless anal sex less risky – it's also made it a more “mainstream” proposition on dating apps, especially since the pandemic has reduced the MSM community's options. PrEP is a prevention method and those who are using PrEP correctly are protecting themselves and their partners against HIV." Still, Howley also points out that PrEP doesn't offer complete protection because it doesn't prevent other STIs such as chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhoea. “But let’s not think they're having 'unprotected sex'. "What PrEP has done for many is lift the guilt and shame associated with sex and I would imagine that means that more men are choosing to have condomless sex,” he says. Howley says PrEP has even changed the way we should talk about anal intercourse between MSM.